Dear Mr Arts Blog Editor,

I’m very sorry. So sorry, in fact, that my Arts Blog debut will be dedicated to a grovelling apology.

I am a bad, bad journalist.

You sent me to cover the opening ceremony of the Festival yesterday evening, and I bailed.

I got as far as my seat in the Guy Butler Theatre. I got as far as reading the ceremony programme. I got as far as listening to the super-cool Eastern Cape Police band who opened proceedings.

But I couldn’t bring myself to listen to three hours of self-congratulatory speeches by government-types.

So I left.

You see, I’m here to cover the arts. And approximately 20% of the opening ceremony programme was given to the arts.

The other 80% was given over to the dark arts – speech after speech, vote-of-thanks after vote-of-thanks for, by, and about the politicians.

I suppose I should have stayed to hear the Minister of Arts & Culture’s speech - hell, Lulu Xingwana’s  been known to put on an impressive performance or two in the past, flouncing out of photo exhibitions she doesn’t like.

But I would rather have dashed my brains out by repeatedly thwacking my skull against the monolithic ramparts of the 1820 Settlers Monument than sit through that.

I hope you’ll understand that I pooh-poohed Lu-lu, not you.

Please would you reinstate my minimum wage?

Yours grovellingly,

Lionel

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